Since we found out the results of the election, I've decided that the Democratic party needs to do something drastic in 2008 in order to win the presidency.
It would just appear weak if we merely adopt Republican positions, particularly with moral issues. We have to get on the other side of the Republicans on these issues, and show the American we stand for something.
That's why I'm announcing my candidacy.
The Republicans talk a good game about morality, but have they really done anything about it?
Have they outlawed contraception? Don't think so. Have passed the laws we need to make peforming abortions a capital federal crime? Nope.
America needs leadership. If you vote for me, this is what you can expect.
No more pussyfooting with America-hating Allah-worshippers. As president, I'll turn the entire middle East into a sheet of green glass.
In this country, every man and woman will have to profess his or her love and belief in Jesus Christ our savior as a prerequisite for citizenship. Homosexuals and all other perverts will be sent to our new facility in NE Wyoming, where they will learn that their practices are ungodly and develop the discipline to stay pure.
A lot of liberal whiners complain that Republicans are trying to break down the separation of church and state. Pish Posh. If they were doing that, don't you think they would have established a state religion? They're afraid to, but I'm not. When I run for president, I will do so as a Reverend of the newly formed Church of Jesus Christ, Democrat. If you elect me, I will forgo press conferences for a Nationally televised Sunday morning Eucharist, beamed into each CoJCD church in this country, which is all churches. As president I shall be Head of State, Commander in Chief, and Spiritual Leader.
Television and Movies really are a malign temptation for Americans. When I am president, there will be no Fear Factor or Who Wants to Marry a Fat Slob or anything like that. And no American will ever have to walk into a movie theater and worry if there might be anything objectionable, like cursing or sexual innuendo. That's because I will be appointing Brent Bozell to a new cabinet level position as Secretary for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. All publically displayed and performed artworks, music, theatre, film, television, and radio will be subject to his watchful eye. All violators of the new Morality code will be removed to our new facility in Southern Utah, where they will learn the path of the upright man.
Conservative Republicans have long suggested school uniforms as a solution to the immodesty, fashion consiousness, and rampant individuality of our youngsters. But are our young people the only ones in need of discipline and modesty? America will henceforth have a code of dress. Violators will be removed to our facility in Southern Indiana, where they will learn to stop dressing like prostitutes and subversives.
Republican congressmen like to brag about getting high marks from the NRA. But what does that mean any more? Ever since Charleton Heston, he of such scandalous pictures as Planet of the Apes and Omega Man, brought his Hollyweird marxist-liberalism into the organization, it just hasn't been the same. We need a president who loves guns as much as he loves Jesus. I am that man. When I am president, I will offer every gun owner a $500 tax credit, which can and should be used to purchase more weapons and ammunition. Every true Democrat understands there's no safety like knowing that everyone else is packing.
Today our government strangles us with immoral taxes. We need moral taxes. When I am president, we will simplify the tax structure. We shall call it a modified tithe. Ten percent of all earnings will go to the CoJCD (that's me) to be distributed as I see fit. And another ten percent will be rendered unto Caesar (that's also me).
With my bold vision I hope to lead America into a new era of God-inspired prosperity and uprightness. Gone are the days when the ACLU could spread its filth and lies with impunity. Gone are the days when lesbians could walk the streets without heterosexual male escort. Gone are the days of violent video games, sexy movies and secular radio.
In November of 2008, remember that a vote for me is a vote for goodness, while a vote for my opponent is a vote for evil.
My name is Rod Smith, I approve this message, and God Bless America.
inspired by Digby.
